I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
