I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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