they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
