As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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