I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
