he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
