I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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