You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
