I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm gonna fight the coyote
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
