Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
