So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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