so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
