i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
