She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
