If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
