i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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