i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
