I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
