I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
