Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
