My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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