If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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