I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize