she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
