Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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