just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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