Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You ruined the universe
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
