look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
