he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
