so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
