that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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