so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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