I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
