I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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