My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
