so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize