R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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