things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
