Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
