dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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