So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
