I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
