She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
