$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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