mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
