you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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