OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
