So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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