I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize