non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
