At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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