my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
