i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
