tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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