I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
