if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
