It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
