get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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