I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize