What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
