Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
