my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
