Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
