I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
