things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
