Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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