where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
