stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
