it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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