we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize