I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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