We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
