If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
